I’m going to preface what I’m going to say with this; my belief is a soul chooses the family and life that will give them the experiences they need to learn and move forward on their journey.
As I move forward in my transformation journey, I have learned that spirit tests me to ensure I have learned the lesson and will not repeat it. That was frustrating and annoying to me initially. I recall writing a comment in Aligned last year asking, “Does spirit ever stop testing us? It pisses me off. Do they test the Dalai Lama?” My dear, wise, and enlightened friend Miggy Rodriguez said, “I don’t know if they ever stop testing us, but as we progress, the tests become less significant because we’ve learned the lesson. We pass the test and continue moving forward.”
When reflecting on her words, I could think of many tests throughout my life that I failed. The biggest being my propensity towards choosing narcissistic partners. Since leaving Tucson, I’ve only been in one semi-relationship that lasted 4-months and was long-distance. I ended it after my dear friend Michelle Leigh gave me a verbal head-smacking making me realize he was the most dangerous narcissist of them all. Since that time, I know within a couple of words if a person is a narcissist. I play the game “Name That Tune” but with words instead of notes. I will admit to cheating by using my empathic gift to feel their energy, too. Hey, if you’ve got it, use it. (lol) I suspect but could be wrong that I won’t be tested on this again. Time will tell.
The latest test came yesterday for a different lesson. I was sitting in a comfy patio chair facing the road at my daughter Katelyn’s house in the country working on my memoir when I looked up to see three of her horses running towards the road. I couldn’t get the leg rest down on the chair so, I crawled out and ran into the house yelling, “Katelyn, the horses are out.” Thankfully, she was home with a migraine headache. I turned and ran outside to see the three horses scared by passing cars turn and run towards the backyard. Katelyn came out on the porch to ask where they were. As I gave her the update on the three horses, the fourth horse and her protege, the miniature donkey, stopped at the side of the house. The horse started grazing, and the donkey, who loves to play in the road, started making her way in that direction. I was able to thwart her attempt and turn her around.
It didn’t take long before we had all the furry critters in the pasture and the fencing they broke through repaired. With the electric fence turned on, we walked away, sighing with relief. Katelyn went back to bed, and I returned to the chair.
As I sat there reliving what happened, I acknowledged it was an “OH SHIT” moment. Katelyn seems to keep her cool during stressful and chaotic times while I internally flip the shit out. Not yesterday, though. I did have a bit of anxiety but remained rational. A white light energy cleanse meditation removed 90% of it. But, here is where the test came in. An event like this would typically commandeer my day. Meaning, I wouldn’t be able to focus on what I needed to get done. I would sit and ponder the event, give thanks that it all worked out, but not put it aside and move forward…..until yesterday. I made the conscious decision to immerse myself in writing and let the event go.
About an hour after the writing began, I came back to reality realizing I felt perfectly fine. This is a major step forward for me in being able to self-regulate, focus, and keep going.
I celebrated the win as we all should do regardless of how small or large it is. Is there a lesson or situation that spirit continues to test you on?